Empty table.

My babies went back to school-school on Thursday.  Today is August 27 and I haven’t opened a single Sonlight IG yet.  I should be good at this, you know, the sending them off process.  They each went at least 170 times last year.  Well, not George.  But the other ones.

They are all going back to the same schools, and I know for sure that they are in good places.  They are all happy, they have excellent teachers, they have good friends – good in all senses of the word – and they are being academically challenged.  So what’s my problem?

I know it’s far healthier to make a gratitude list instead of a whine list, but I thought perhaps if I were objective about why it bothers me so much perhaps I could change some little bits and make it not so heartbreaking.  So here we go.  See the picture above?  It is DARK in that picture.  And it’s still summer.  I know this probably seems obvious to you, but it sort of  surprised me when I figured it out.   I learned last year that if Sam and Emily leave in the dark when it’s summer, they will leave in the dark for the entire rest of the year.

Most kids pack pencils and notebooks into their backpacks, but Danny carries a spare oxygen cannula, tube feeding supplies, three different kinds of medical tape, formula with pure carbohydrates and formula with carbohydrates, fat and protein.  Let’s see, a thermometer, a stethescope, a calibrated blood pressure cuff, and materials to check for pH and ketones.  Danny doesn’t have to get to school until 8:40, but oh my gosh, I worry about him while he’s away from me.  He has awesome nurses; he has an RN at his side every second of every day.  Not only do they know their medical skills, they know Danny.  And he loves them (we all do, they are our home nurses too…) But still.  I worry.

And then Brian.  At the other end of the day we have his time problem.  Thursday his bus got here at 6:05 PM.  So I had babies gone from my house for 12 hours.  And he’s supposed to somehow eat supper, do homework (lots of homework.  but that’s another post), practice his violin and go to soccer practice all in the time between 6 PM and bedtime???  I know the bus will eventually start getting here earlier, but I’m not sure it could EVER be early enough for me!

So I really miss them.  I miss the science labs on the kitchen floor.  I miss piles and piles of Sonlight readalouds.  I miss Latin grammar.  I miss the noise and the singing and the “Mom!  Hey MOM!”  all the time.  It was never, ever boring in my house.  On bad days when I just didn’t feel up to getting out of bed, there was a steady parade of children to climb into my nest with me and talk about all sorts of things.  Or just make a George sandwich and snuggle.  Whatever, you know?

But here’s what I miss most.  Lunch.

When my babies are home, you can’t ever see the paint stains on the table.  You can’t even see the parts where we’ve sanded off so many layers of paint stains that there’s not very much table left.  Actually, you probably wouldn’t be able to see the empty yogurt container or the spots on the floor either 🙂  Just people.  Plenty of people.  It’s a well documented fact that children who have supper every night sitting around a table with their families thrive in many ways that children who don’t get to have that chance.  But why limit it to evenings?  I really, really miss lunch with my kids.  Talking, singing, arguing, planning, more talking. 

Hmmm… I’m not sure listing my gripes about sending my children off to school-school was therapeutic at all.  Actually, it’s giving me anticipatory separation anxiety for Monday already.  I know school-school is the right thing to do, but it’s that empty table that gets me, every time.