This afternoon I was sitting in a recliner at chemotherapy and the person sitting on my right happened to be a subscriber to my blog. The person sitting on the other side was snoring... You know that really wet gurgly kind of snoring? He was snoring all afternoon. So I offered that sensorial experience up for some special intentions rather than popping in my noise canceling headphones and started to chat with the lady on the right. She pointed out that despite my promises, I keep forgetting to update about how I am doing. Sorry!
Keeping my blog up to date with how this journey is going is important to me. And there are just some things in life that remind you that perhaps if something IS important to you, you might as well just do it. Two online friends in particular have been ever so faithful in gently guiding me back to my real priorities. We call it being intentional. Some day I need to sit down and copy and paste my whole intentional list down for you. Then I could REALLY be held accountable.
So let's see... Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment, and my husband came along... It's always good for me to have a second set of ears to remember and be an objective listener, so Dixon or Sara usually takes me. Then if afterwards I'm sad or discouraged (or clouded by meds) they can keep me straight and focused on the facts. I was honest with the doctor that I had skipped one of my oral drugs more than once on our trip because I struggle so much with the side effects. He changed that one to every other day, he thinks it will still be effective but easier. I just need to guard against the temptation to skip it extra times "since I can just take it tomorrow instead" He said it was too early to decide whether or not the whole new concoction of toxins was working... I'm still having way too much bone pain, but I need to be patient. They drew lots of labs, and we're waiting until the end of September to do the new scans.
Because the pain in my hip is really getting worse fast, they're going to repeat the procedure I had in February to see if that will help while we wait for all the drugs to do their magic. I'll need to be off my feet for a while afterwards so it's scheduled for when Dixon has a week off to take care of things. Meanwhile we've added a new pain medicine and increased doses of two others. Hmmmm... What else is new? Four of my babies go back to school-school on Thursday. I am really sad about this.... I looked and looked for an excuse to keep even just one at home learning with me, but without success. George is going to miss them so much, too.
Speaking of George, this picture makes me laugh. George used to pull on my hair when he wanted me to turn my head. Now he grabs my nose... But back to the whole intentional concept. One of the things on my list has been to have someone take pictures and film videos with me and each of my children that they can treasure forever. One of my friends who is an awesome photographer and really understands our family is going to come and help with that project, but we're not sure when. So while I was really sad and hurting and discouraged and worried yesterday after my appointment, I decided that capturing some amateur shots meanwhile might help me feel like, at least in one area, I was making progress towards my goals. So today before my date with the infusion nurses I got brave and sat on the wrong side of the camera.
And having things to look forward to helps. Some are realistic, some, well, not so much. For sure, my college roommate Rosemary is coming tomorrow. Maybe she and her son will get to experience a real Carolinas Hurricaine! And Ann Voskamp is coming back to see us in September (well, actually it's only to pick up all her homeschooling books she had mailed here to save on postage... just kidding, she wants to see us as much as her books 🙂 October brings Sam jumping off the really big building... and the Foreman family is coming through here in the fall.
But even thinking about crazy things I want to do someday if I get a real big miracle and can have any adventure I want to helps. Lately at night, when I'm hurting too much to sleep, Dixon and I talk about rescuing orphans with DS from Bulgaria... ... you know, the conversations that start "When I grow up, I'm gonna..." I'm not so sure with this cancer I'd ever be approved to hop on a plane to go scoop up special babies and bring them home, but a girl can dream, right? But meanwhile, as I've learned more about the needs these babies have, I'm thinking (back to the INTENTIONAL concept here) that we can expand the scope of our family non-profit to include providing nutritional support and perhaps medical care coordination for these babies. Planning that all out can keep my mind off my bone pain and shortness of breath for a long time. Speaking of which, I need to take my medicine and go back to sleep... dream of visits from friends, rescuing babies, checking things off my intentional list...