I am home, my oncologist feels VERY strongly that hospitals are bad places for immunosuppressed people to be, and since I have a port and he is on call all weekend and we live five minutes from the hospital and my babies are here, not there, he sent me home. Although there are bad germs here, too, Brian and Dixon have been sick, so perhaps all my throwing up wasn’t just from chemo… we are still awaiting some labs to help sort out the whole picture… I’m too tired to explain the whole thing. Lactate levels and neutrophils and ground glass mosaicism… sigh….
It’s also good to be home because the internet connection is so much better here, and I am totally, truly obsessed with my computer today.
Although I got up earlier to put the dishes in the dishwasher… I was standing at the sink, and then oh my gosh, my head was so tired, I had to rest it on the faucet. Right at the same time as Dixon got up to have a snack. He asked me, if I was so tired, why wasn’t I sitting down, and the only thing i could think of to tell him was that all the chairs were too far away. Then I got smart and sat right down on the kitchen floor and have been here ever since.
Here’s how it goes. I knit a row, and then click refresh on Luke’s page. I am knitting REALLY slowly, but still… go look back at the number on the photo above ($7902.54) and then, the very next refresh was this one:
That’s 45 stitches. In my opinion, that counts as a miracle. The miracle of love and friendship. The whole time i was in the hospital with all those IV bags of antibiotics, my friends were posting and tweeting and TOTALLY plastering facebook ….. and then I got home and you all kept going and going.
So anyway, I have been going back and forth between refreshing Luke’s page and just being overwhelmed at the love and support on facebook, sitting here on the kitchen floor and all of a sudden like half my facebook friends have the same photo.
I don’t know if this makes any sense, but this really should be just about my worst day ever. Day 4, week three of the cycle of chemo that we don’t even know if it’s working anymore, but the cancer shows up on some scans but is radio-silent on others, so maybe it is, but the last thing I need is a bone biopsy on all these blood thinners and steroids, and then I get sick, my labs get bad, my family gets sick, and I feel SO AWFUL. and really, really scared, because there isn’t a new plan yet, and I don’t like not having a plan…
So any other day, I would be a totally soggy heap of tears in my bed, an absolute wreck, pretty confident my rosary was going to get rusty from all the crying. Instead, here I sit on my kitchen floor… I have used way less than half a box of Kleenex today, just saying… knit a row, click refresh, say a prayer of thanksgiving for the most amazing friends. This whole DeHority Distraction Principle… it’s BIG. I don’t know if you’ve ever gotten a miracle before, but I’m in the middle of one right now, and it’s … I can’t even think of the right word. Guess we’ll stick with BIG.
And look – while i’ve been typing just 573 words (which has completely exhausted me…. oh, wait, maybe i was already exhausted?) Look what you did:
Thank you. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
YOU ARE A MIRACLE.
And that is really, really amazing.
Oh no. Editing, here I am going on and on about this miracle and I was so excited I forgot to show you the details about how to be part of it. Please forgive me. Go to http://www.covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-big-giveaway.html (That’s Julia’s blog… all the details are there, prizes, how to enter either by donating or by sharing/posting…. )