I promised I wouldn’t apologize.

Apologize for what?  For being about a month behind in emails.  For having boxes of wonderful yarn for the 310 hats project that have yet to make it to the post office.  For turning down lunch invitations.   For causing my children to miss soccer, or Latin, or altar server training, or OM practice at the last minute.  For not posting the absolute most darling photos of George in the snow.

This laziness is so out of character for me… but I guess even as self-critical as I am, I was thinking about it as feeling overwhelmingly weak, not really lazy or tired.  So finally I went to the doctor last week, and got diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency.  No wonder I was feeling so awful!  But they couldn’t/didn’t do anything to make it better until we did some more testing….

Friday morning I went to the hospital at 5:45 for this testing.  It turns out that the reason my adrenal glands aren’t working is because my pituitary gland in my brain isn’t telling them to.  I know some children who stop working when you don’t tell them what to do, too 🙂 .

Here’s the problem:  There is a pretty short list of what can make a pituitary gland quit working in a grownup.  Most of that list we know I don’t have – I’ve not had major head trauma recently, I didn’t just suffer massive blood loss in childbirth, etc.  The overwhelmingly most common cause of pituitary troubles in adults is tumors.  The specialists say that it’s more likely that my breast cancer went to my pituitary than that I have some totally different kind of tumor – although one never knows.  My luck is bad enough…..   Of course it’s possible that it’s not a tumor at all.  When the doctor told me that, I asked her what she thought it could possibly be instead.  She couldn’t come up with anything.  That’s when I got sort of upset.

I’m still waiting to find out when the radiology studies are going to be.  We had to wait until after we did all these other tests because some of the drugs for the new studies would have messed up the earlier tests. 

This is now more typing than I’ve done in a week, and it’s time to go rest before George wakes up.  Tonight I’m going to my book club meeting, so I have to save some energy.   And even though I PROMISED I wouldn’t apologize, I will promise to do my best to get caught back up on life when these medicines start working and I have a little more strength.

22 thoughts on “I promised I wouldn’t apologize.

  1. Take care of yourself first. Your family needs you when you have any energy, so have one of the kids post when you are feeling the need to communicate. Prayers and love are being sent at warp speed by all those whose lives you have impacted on so many levels.

  2. You have been in my thoughts since Emily posted. Thank you so much for taking a few minutes to let us know how you are. Will be in much prayer for you here in Indiana.

  3. Praying for you!!! YOU are the most important thing right now. It can be so hard to recuperate when you have a family and obligations…but you need to take time for you.
    (long time reader, first comment…)
    Lots of prayers coming from OH.

  4. I agree with Nancy that taking care of yourself is priority one. I’m sorry you are having this problem with your pituitary and can’t begin to imagine how weak and tired you must feel. Try to delegate what you can to your beautiful family and do your best to banish any guilty feelings. My prayers continue for you, Dixon, and your amazing children.

  5. In my own small way I know about the burden of guilt and how hard it is to just drop it at the side of the road. Sending you love and prayers, asking God that there will be relief for your symptoms, hope for the future and much peace in your heart. God bless you and your dear ones.

  6. Hi Elizabeth……I’m a breast cancer survivor (so far). Found your button on Elizabeth Foss’ blog. You can count on my prayers too. I’m adding your button to my blog.
    Get your rest and try not to panic until you know something for sure! Although, not having enough energy to panic right now is probably a good thing!
    I think you’re doing a grand job of handling all that has been given to you! You’re not alone!
    Blessings to you…one day at a time!!

  7. Lots of prayers coming from Washington, D.C.
    I’m relatively new to your blog, and you and your family are a beautiful inspiration.

  8. I am in awe as I read your blog. Please take care of yourself and know that strangers, like myself, are praying, praying, praying.

  9. I agree with Nancy and Jan…You are first priority…I know that is so far out of character for you, but think about all of us who take your advice…you’re just “setting an example”!

    Lots of prayers and love coming your way.

  10. You can’t be serious… don’t apologize to us! It is not laziness to rest when you need it, and focus on first things first. We can wait. Sending you love and strength and prayers.

  11. I will be praying and fasting for you tomorrow. You write beautifully. Your blog gives joy to many people. But write more only when it gives you joy, also.

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