Guilt, regret, anticipation

I’m packing to get ready to go to my knitting guild retreat, but it’s with very mixed emotions…  As excited as I am about my special weekend, it’s hard to leave when I have a sick little boy at home.


Danny has a fever and lots of ketones, so between loads of icky laundry, I’m doing my best to keep his tubie juice going (that’s what he calls his tube feeding formula…) and to keep him happy and content….  Leaving my babies is the guilt part.

And then I just found out yesterday that tonight they’re having something really special up at church:


They only do this a couple of times a year, and it’s so beautiful, I really hate to miss it.   Being away for the sung rosary is the regret part.

So I’m trying to keep thinking about the positive anticipation part.  I’ve got my required class supplies ready to go.


There’s still even room for my good clothes for Emily’s concert and the charger for my camera battery.  Esther says I absolutely must bring my books to get signed.


It’s been many years since the last time I left all my children.  Betsy and I went away for a weekend when I was pregnant with Brian and she was pregnant with Callie, and they will both be 10 this spring.  I left Emily, Sam and Brian when Danny and I drove all the way to Minnesota for his appointment at the Mayo Clinic, but that really doesn’t count as a vacation.  I think this weekend will be way more fun than that trip was.  Oh, and we might even get snow!  Right now there’s rain in the mountains, but it’s supposed to get colder there over the next two days.  Of course I sent Emily off this morning without an umbrella… but she’s sensible.  She’ll figure out some way to keep her viola dry. 

One more piece of news… the pathology report on the mass they removed last week showed no new cancer.  It was some sort of giant cell necrosis something… I might have to look that up 🙂  The surgeon and the oncologists say that we’re sticking with the current plan of no more chemo, and starting radiation next week.

10 thoughts on “Guilt, regret, anticipation

  1. Your piece of news is such a blessing that I’m crying as I type!!!
    Enjoy your special weekend knitting socks. It’s a Gift from Above. Say Thank You and go. Danny will be OK. Emily will be a wonderful blessing, and blessed herself, with and by the orchestra. Sam, Brian, George and even Dixon will be fine. AND GET THOSE BOOKS SIGNED! I want a photo of the signature pages when you return. Or earlier. 🙂 Off to my Friday afternoon errands. Love and hugs and liquid prayers of gratitude.

  2. Fantastic news about your pathology report. WOOOHOOO!!!! GO ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND! You deserve it. I know it is tough to leave behind the little ones but you do need some time here and there too. Think how refreshed you’ll be when you return!


  3. That is truly wonderful news. I had lunch with your mom today and she is so realieved. Have a wonderful weekend. I’ll look forward to hearing what you’ve learned. I know it’s hard to leave a sick child, but he is in very good hands.

  4. So happy to hear good news on your pathology report!
    Looks like you have everything ready… so have a great time!
    I know you’ll miss them, but Emily will love knowing you’re enjoying her concert…girl time!
    I’m sure Danny will keep everyone straight while you’re gone and will let you know what you missed while you were away…he does look irresistable though!
    You make knitting look like it’s so much fun…all I need is ANOTHER hobby!

  5. WOOHOO ON THE PATHOLOGY REPORT!!! another prayer answered.

    have a splendid weekend, pray thru the guilt and the regret, and we’ll all look forward to pictures. LOVE, rowena___.

  6. You do so much for your children and showing them how moms and dads take care of themselves and nurture themselves by actually do things that bring them joy is one more valuable gift you get to give them.

  7. Elizabeth-
    So excited about your pathology report. What WONDERFUL news for you and your family!! It sounds like your knitting weekend is just what the Dr. ordered. Hope you enjoy the fun, rest and Emily’s concert. It may benefit your health even more then chemo. or radiation. Also hope Danny feels better soon! By the way, you look lovely on Utube. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. I have been following your blog all along but just recently discovered how to submit a comment directly. I have written you a few e-mails to your and/or Emily’s address prior to this. Can’t wait to see some beautiful socks soon!!

  8. Oh, I am speechless!!! Thank you, Lord, for this answered prayer! Enjoy your weekend! I am sooo jealous–I just LOVE her books! The maze socks are in my projects on Rav. Extra prayers for Danny today.
    love, amy

  9. Dear Elizabeth,
    I just wanted you to know that we keep you in our prayers. I haven’t knitted as many socks as you but the weekend away sounded like such a fun, learning, and connecting time. I don’t know how you do all that you do but I think that God must be walking beside you on your journey. Your blog has helped me understand the challenges a cancer patient undergoes to survive as well as keeping track of your family. Thank you.

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