Today is day 6 of cycle 5. It’s sort of that bridge day before the first set of chemotherapy symptoms, like the nausea, get better… but after the later symptoms, like the mouth sores and the bone pain have started.
I can’t sleep.
The steroids just make me too jumpy to rest…. even in the perfect nest with my Lambie…
And I can’t read.
Part of it’s a concentration issue, part of is that the chemotherapy (and the steroids) mess up the lenses in my eyes and mess up my ability to focus. Book club tonight was rescheduled, however, so perhaps by next week I’ll be seeing right again. Thank goodness for my book club friends. But anyway, this vision trouble, that’s one of the reasons my dad is here, to do all the driving… Like to Target, where
I can’t believe
… that they don’t have unflavored toothpaste. Even the fancy toothpaste for sensitive teeth is mint or cinnamon. The kids ones are all flavored, too. Flavored toothpaste and “Chemo-mouth” are a bad combination.
My dad’s going to drive the kids to violin this afternoon, too.
I just can’t go.
I’m just really tired and really hurting. You see, there’s this magic drug called Neulasta. Neulasta makes bone marrow create new white blood cells. This is a good thing – despite 5 cycles of chemotherapy, I’ve not been in the hospital and I’ve not had a fever and my chemo hasn’t had to be decreased or delayed due to insufficient white blood cells. But when Neulasta is causing your bone marrow to crank out these cells, it really hurts, deep in your chest, legs, lower back…. there are quite a few people who get chemo when I do who have decided to risk skipping the Neulasta…. maybe today I don’t think they’re quite so crazy.
But sitting at home while my kids are making beautiful music at violin, it would be nice if I could spin or something….
But I can’t spin.
The fiber just gets caught up in my lymphedema sleeve. And I didn’t wear my sleeve yesterday, just because it was annoying me, and today there’s swelling. So I can’t skip it again. I shouldn’t have been irresponsible yesterday, but maybe I can blame the steroids for that, too?
What else can I whine about? Oh, here’s one. Everything tastes awful. Even water.
I can’t understand
how our usually perfectly fine city water becomes so icky on day 4 or 5 of chemo. And I can’t find many other beverages that don’t burn once my mouth gets bad.
I can’t even knit
what I want to. Here’s a little project I was saving for a day when I wanted something fun to do to distract me:
Not. Too hard to concentrate on the tiny stitches, the charts in the pattern are too hard to read and I can’t sit still anyway.
I really am grateful for so many things, like my kids’ good attitudes, and everyone who’s helping us out, and the cooler fairy, and that I’m more than half done with this part of my cancer treatment journey… but gosh, the
bug has hit me today….