Two boys went to Target with me today to get some shopping done before chemotherapy tomorrow. It helps to be prepared.
When we were in the baby section buying formula for George I had a minor emotional crisis. There were several other moms in the same aisle, and at least two of them were obviously nursing mothers (you can tell when they’re wearing an Expressiva Nursingwear shirt from last year or when they’re debating brands of breastmilk storage bags.)
I was embarrased to be looking for George’s brand of artificial baby formula to put in my cart. I was momentarily relieved when Target was all out (until I realized that I was going to have to go to another store and face this again…)
Well, one thing led to another and I ended up in tears. I DON’T want to buy formula because I WANT to nurse my baby but I can’t because I have breast cancer which also means I have to have chemotherapy tomorrow and I DON’T want to have chemotherapy tomorrow because I DON’T want to feel bad and because I DON’T want to be unable to manage my household independently. But mostly I want to be able to nurse my baby again.
You know, it took me four months, two lactation consultants and a speech therapist to be able to nurse George. Between his prematurity and his Downs, he had kind of a rough start. But once we got it worked out, he soared from below the 3rd percentile in weight to solidly 25th. He grew and he got stronger and healthier and happier every day. Then breast cancer happened.
So I ordered two cases of Nutramigen via the internet. It’s easier that way.